"You can see right through those."
"Yeah, that's why they're called windows."
"My mom's a small lady, along all three axes."
"FRIENDS ARE A VERY RARE JEWELS"
Marquee at a gas station
"If you push lightly on it, it feels hard."
William's very thin cousin, discussing her musculature
Person One: "I'm very interested in the sexual reproduction of plants."
Person Two: "Me, too. It keeps me up at night."
Person Three: "I shiver just thinking about it."
"I was fine, except I couldn't feel my face."
Johnnie Mickel
"I was just suggesting it so that it would be smashed, like your hopes and dreams of The Fresh Market being exciting."
I love smashing Ryan's hopes and dreams
"Hey, guys, check it out. A rainbow."
"Stay in your corner. I don't appreciate your insinuations."
Scary, scary people in Borders
"You can't kick me in the crotch, because your crotch is nowhere near my feet."
"Yeah, it tastes like liquid cardboard sauce."
Ashley Miller, describing Lean Cuisine
"Mmm, now my hands smell lemony fresh, like Lemon-Sol."
Ashley Miller, being confused
"Please save all urine."
A sign in the North Carolina Baptist Hospital
"Do you know where to get rid of artificial legs?"
Johnnie Mickel
"Yeah, I don't think you're ever senile enough to not be able to find your weiner."
Jeremy Magee
"Your imagination is the hood ornament on your car of creativity."
Gary Busey
"I don't get on that circle road; it just confuses me. When I see a car in my rear view mirror, I don't know if it's behind me or just way in front of me."
A very befuddled waitress in Lexington, KY, discussing the New Circle Road beltline that encircles the city
Ashley: "What was first advertised in the U.S. with the slogan 'Dispense with the horse?'"
Johnnie: "I dunno....Smith & Wesson?"
Ashley: "What does a horse have to do with cooking oil?"
