"The band is hard to schedule transportation for. They want a bus to go everywhere. Soon they'll want one to go from the school to the stadium."
My high school athletic director about next year's scheduling
"I saw some people from my old high school at the bar. It about scared me sober."
A very drunk lady in the Kum & Go in Norwalk, in line to buy some more beer
Me: "You know Scott?"
Girl: "Yeah, he's in study center with me."
"Yeah, we both do the Channel 12 thing. He's cool."
"So, like, you're on the radio or somethin'?"
"Just TV."
"Oh. (pause) That's cool too."
Me and some girl shooting the breeze
"This is more middle school basketball than I can handle. I'm starting to become incoherent."
Me, after scoring 12 straight hours of middle school basketball
"How much money do we have left in the debate account?"
"Oh, we're already in the red."
"So what are we going to do?"
"I don't know. I'm just going to keep spending until they tell me to stop."
Between me and the school's speech/debate coach
W: "So, shall we go to the Pizza & Brewery place?"
A: "No, let's go somewhere different."
W: "We've been there?"
A: "Wait, which place is that again?"
Ashley and I, trying to decide where to eat
"I realized after I hung up the phone that I was in way over my head when I asked the state girls' cross-country champion to go running with me sometime as a pick-up line. I was serious about it at the time, but thank god she never called me back. I can't walk to the bathroom without getting worn out."
"I've figured out the secret of snow forecasting... take how much they say we're supposed to get and then just divide it by ten. Like last time we were supposed to get six inches, we really got just a little over a half-inch."
Tony explaining his meteoroligcal theory
"No, we got the Statue of Liberty from our allies."
"What are you talking about? We got it from France."
"We didn't get it from England?"
Said during cross-examination in a debate between two very ditzy freshmen
"What grade is your sister in?"
"What grade is my sister in? She's a sophomore. You touch her, I'll kill you."
"I've already touched her."
Me and Heather, moments after I sat down next to her little sister and put my arm around her, thinking it was someone else. The last line came out horribly wrong.
Little Kevin: "I got shotgun on the way back!"
Me: "I don't think it's a very good idea to yell the words 'I got shotgun' in a convenience store."
Said today at QuikTrip on the way back to school
"It would be pretty cool if it was hot. I mean, if the snow was hot. I wouldn't have a problem with that."
Ashley F., being dumb after it stopped snowing
"Would you rather have billions of dollars, or do you want true love?"
"Oh, that's easy... if I was that rich, I'd have an army of prostitutes!"
Today's Senior English dialogue
Dear 2600: I am in Germany working for the Army. What do I need to do?
Henry Proceed with the original plan. You'll be contacted.
A letter to the editors of 2600, the Hacker Quarterly.
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